Today's Run

6.5 miles and about an hour this morning. Was planning to do fast quarters but ran into Mike about a mile in and we joined up for a chatty run. Good to catch up with him and discuss the hot topics of who should get the male and female UROYs and UROYs. Still battling this crazy heartburn thing but it might be better today. Legs so-so. Will plan to do my quarters tomorrow morning. Was reading Goggins' book last night and he heavily intimated that his first 100 was harder than anything he endured during Navy SEAL training. Not sure I buy that. But it's quite a good book.

Today's Run

6.7 miles in a hair over 1 hour on surprisingly icy roads this morning. Overall felt decent but went slow to stay upright. Wasn't expecting so much ice as it was warm enough yesterday, I figured, to clear away the muck. Still a bit of a winter wonderland in Parker, though. Been battling a nasty indigestion thing the last 24 hours and it plagued me on my run this AM. No fun and no clue where this came from. A mysterious bug? Will plan to get after it with some fast quarters tomorrow.

Now on chapter 6 of Goggins' book. Very good listening. Not for the faint of heart and very hard-edged.

Today's Run

While I am not sure if this is feasible/sustainable, I am going to try to start posting quick recaps of my daily workouts. Again, this may fall off in time but I'm going to give it a try. Here goes.....

With it being 7 degrees and icy outside, got on the treadmill around 5:25am for an hour (I will run in the extreme cold but not if it's ice AND dark at the same time). Worked out next to my wife, who was cranking it out on the cycle. She had the fan all to herself so I got a bit hot while running! Opted for the "cross-country" workout on my treadmill--a bit over 58 minutes and 7.1 miles with the incline going from 0% to 6% the whole way. Not easy! Listened to David Goggins' awesome new book, Can't Hurt Me. Legs felt better than decent but not great. Need to get back to being more efficient in the morning and aiming for at least 60-65 minutes of running before work.

Interestingly, yesterday my Garmin, based on how it's reading my fitness, projected a 3:00:04 marathon time. As I have run some sub-3s in my day and know what they take fitness-wise, not sure I believe it.

New Year's Resolutions and 10 Things About Ultras I Wish Would Come Back

So long, 2018! On the running front, one of my more memorable experiences happened in July, when I was in New York City for business and spent days running to and around different parts of the city (in absolutely sweltering humidity). This is a photo of the 9/11 Memorial. I can't remember which tower this is, but the experience was powerful and deeply emotional, as you can imagine:

During my trip to NYC, I remember texting my wife that running is such a gift because it provides an easy way to explore and experience different places. Had I been in a car, there is no way I could have seen as much of NYC as I did on my own two feet!

***

Today, as I type this post, I'm feeling more and more motivated to finish a 100-miler in 2019. For me, success toward this goal requires three things:

1. The right timing. Due to work commitments, whatever 100 I run in 2019, if in fact I do run a 100, can't happen before July or else I run a huge risk of burning the candle on both ends (and in the middle, too).
2. My family's support. A must. I can't embark on training for and finishing a 100 unless I have my family's support. Fortunately, I always do.
3. An ironclad commitment to finish. This is the one that's TBD as of yet. If I realize the commitment, then that commitment will fuel my daily progress toward training for a 100 and my resolve to ultimately finish the race. For me, commitment drives process, and process, when well-executed and fueled by commitment, drives positive results. Motivation is nice but is in no way a factor in the big picture. Motivation comes and goes. Commitment is what counts.

Which brings me to the so-called "News Year's Resolution." Seems everyone is putting their resolution(s) out there today. Many of them are really inspiring! Anecdotally speaking, I'm seeing some old ultra friends who have been out of the sport a few years start talking about coming back into it. Love it!

It's not like I don't also have things I want to do in life, on the run and in work. I have lots of stuff I want to do in 2019, including getting my stress levels more stable. Stress, I think, has been a huge drag on my athletic performance over the past year. It's not "negative" stress per se. I've just got a lot on me and I need to learn to handle it better. A lot of that comes down to the choices I make. My choices need to revolve around 1) more simplicity and 2) greater clarity of purpose.

Anyway, whenever someone puts a resolution out there--and most resolutions are very outcome-oriented, e.g., "this is what I will achieve in 2019"--my question is always around process. The desired outcome is great, but what are the steps you will take to achieve it? If all there is to a resolution is an outcome, then how do you define progress toward the outcome? What are the daily actions, the milestones, and other indicators of success and/or need for tweaks to approach to achieve goal? 

***

On my run this morning, I was thinking about the ultra community and basically how I've lost some of that special connection to it that I once felt. My connection to the community is still there; it's just not as strong as it used to be, and a lot of that is probably attributable to where I now am in life. I started running ultras in 2005, when I was in my very early 30s, and there are some things I definitely miss about the "good old days," namely:

1) Blogs. Back in the day, it seemed everyone running ultras had a blog and the universe of running blogs provided for great daily reading. Blogs I most loved to read included but were certainly not limited to those by Anton Krupicka, Karl Meltzer, Fast Eddy, AJW, Nick Clark and Geoff Roes. There are still some great blogs out there that are updated almost daily (examples here and here) but it seems blogging is no longer cool? I have also seen a trend where there has been more centralization of written "media" within the ultra world. It was a lot more fun back when everyone had their own blog and put their own content out there, on their own terms, on an almost daily basis. Those were fun days and I wish they'd return because ultimately we humans love great stories. This was once one of the more popular ultra blogs and I have let it tail off. Maybe I need to step up my content creation?

2) Anton. Anton, you made ultrarunning so damned interesting not only in your daily training and race performances but also in your blog. For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, here's one example of the epic content Anton would put out there when he was racing ultras and running 200 miles per week. He has a "new" blog that he still updates with awesome content but I miss his daily posts.

3) When Western States was the biggest race in the world. I still think many hold Western States to be the "Super Bowl of Ultrarunning," but I definitely think UTMB and Hardrock are gaining ground, which saddens me. UTMB is, in my view, overrated--the weather is almost always bad. Hardrock? Badass for sure. Call me old-fashioned but ultra is about running, not hiking, and Western States is a course that pits the best runners against each other. I realize people are gonna read this and get all fired up defending UTMB.

4) When the focus was on story-telling and not just showing, telling and impressing. I miss the stories shared via blogs, message boards and even the Ultralistserv. Nowadays it's just short-form content pushed out through social media accounts without much depth. A lot of it to me is all sizzle and no steak. I miss the steak.

5) When Runner's World magazine actually told good stories about ultrarunners. I have been a subscriber of RW for 15 years and this year may not renew. Its decline is saddening to me; the magazine to me now lacks soul and depth. It used to be RW put out some really interesting, albeit controversial, content on ultras, such as this article about Scott Jurek from 2010 (which pissed a lot of people off), that article about Rick Trujillo and his feud with Matt Carpenter from 2008 (again, which ruffled feathers), the infamous Dean piece from 2006 (which started a near civil war in my running club at the time) and several others. Back when RW actually had depth to it, it was a decent magazine that got people in the community talking. Nowadays it's mostly about pushing fluff and how-tos.

6) Marathon & Beyond magazine. The loss of M&B was, in my opinion, crushing. It put out such great content, such as this awesome article about Matt Carpenter. It was a very scholarly magazine that probed deeply into and geeked out on important topics.

7) When you could actually enter a race the day of. Back in the day, you could oftentimes show up on a Saturday morning and register for your race right then and there. No more. Nowadays, we have lotteries requiring contingency plans and advanced planning out the wazoo.

8) The (perceived) innocence of the sport. I'll be honest: I worry PEDs and cheating have infiltrated ultra in ways few want to imagine. Let me be clear: I have zero facts to back up this concern. And it could be the sport has always been infiltrated by PEDs and cheating. I really don't know. But I do know that it's very naïve to assume that people use PEDs only when money is on the line. I think ego is a much bigger driver of poor decisions than money.

9) When longevity trumped flashes in the pan. Ultra has always had epic talent come and go like the wind but it used to be that longevity was more appreciated than it is today. Rather than get all lathered up over who's crushing it here and now, I think true greatness is measured by longevity and that's why in my book the greats are those who excelled for years and years and actually trained in ways that sustained and built on excellence (e.g., Scott Jurek, Ann Trason, Yiannis Kouros, Tim Twietmeyer, Meghan Arbogast Laws, Darcy Piceu, Karl Meltzer and Hal Koerner to name a few).

10) When we were individuals, not brands. Seems today everyone has to have a brand and use social media to push it out. That's a really exhausting proposition, my friends. Brand ambassadorship has gone overboard. I get the power of brand. I really do. It's not like this blog wasn't at one time influenced by a desired personal "brand." I could easily be a brand ambassador now but why? Who cares what I like, use, etc.? I just miss the days when we were like-minded members of a cohesive community who enjoyed running a long way and didn't focus too much on pushing brands on each other. 

In re-reading my 10, I've noticed 6 are "media"-related. Interesting (to me, at least).

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't love some things going on today. I think we are in a golden age of ultra (and extreme sports) filmmaking (Billy Yang's work is exhibit A--quite possibly the most talented storyteller in the sport today). I think Ultrarunning Magazine is still a very strong curator of great content. We have awesome podcast shows, led by Ultrarunnerpodcast.com, Trail Runner Nation, Billy Yang's show, etc. And I think iRunFar's pre-race and race-day coverage of the major races, especially of Western States, is exceptional, though I'm not a fan of how it's now the home base for folks who I wish were blogging on their own platforms. Still so much to love. But there are things I miss and quite frankly wish would come back.

Here's to a great 2019!

Warrior

"You and me, we don't even have a choice. See, we're born with this killer instinct that you can't just turn off and on like some radio. We always have to be in the middle of the action 'cause we're the warriors. And without some challenge, without some damn war to fight, then the warrior might as well be dead." - Apollo Creed, Rocky IV

As hard as it is for me to believe, 2018 was my fifteenth year of being a "serious" runner, and my twelfth consecutive year of running 3,000 or more miles per year. I ran my first marathon in 2004, my first ultra in 2005 and my first 100-miler in 2007--and since that time it's mostly been a fun ride.

I hit my peak in 2008 and 2009, not only in terms of race performance with a few nice wins but also in training output with years of 4,000 miles. It seemed back in those years I could tear myself to pieces at the track and then the next day wake up feeling fresh as a daisy and ready for the next workout. My body gave me so much in training and races and it was fun. But it wasn't just physical. I had the killer instinct and was willing to suffer...a lot.

I am now a bit older and 2018 has been a year that, quite honestly, I hoped would never happen. As the year comes to a close, I'm not sure I can or will continue my ultra running, at least in 2019. Whether or not I'm burned out, I don't know. Since the late summer, the story has been this: If I feel the fire, usually it's fleeting.

I am going into 2019 having not registered for a single 100-miler or even a lottery--a first for me. I did register for the North Fork 50K--a race I really love. I am eying a return to the Burning River 100 in July. Although the Burning River course has changed a little since I last ran it in 2007, I still know the course quite well--it is flat and fast, which I like. Burning River is also a beautiful course that runs point to point. I love the idea of going back to Cleveland. But Burning River remains a question mark as I am still not sure I want to train for another 100-miler. I have been running ultras long enough to know you should NEVER register for a 100 unless you are all in.

In addition to having to be all in, another ground rule for entering a 100 is that it must be a race I can train for off my doorstep. It can't require that I drive the 45-60 minutes it takes to get to the foothills and mountains here in Denver. If my schedule were to allow for a half-day in the mountains, then great. But a race can't require that I do that--it can't "force" me into anything (which is why I've retired from Leadville). I am more aware than ever before that my son is growing up fast and that the responsibilities I have as a dad are not just about quality but also quantity. With parenthood, quantity counts, too. The experts who say parenting is all about quality are lying. Yeah, quality is the most important thing, but you have to be/should be there a lot, even for the mundane stuff that in the end adds up and counts. I want to be there. I have a busy job that requires a lot and so I can't just keep piling on other responsibilities that cut into my ability to be there for my family--to deliver on not just quality but also quantity.

I do still love the trail! Photo by Mike Wilkinson.

I am still in love with the idea of 100s. I'm still very much in love with the outdoors. Last week, we spent three days at Copper Mountain skiing and I couldn't get enough of the feeling of being on top of big mountains. I'm just not sure I'm in love with the 100-mile training process anymore. I do feel that if I got in really good shape for Burning River, meaning I had the time to do so and also go through the training injury-free, I could run below 20 hours and possibly contend for a top-10 spot. But then I have to check those notions at the door because the reality is that I have not finished a 100 in a few years. I have also lost a lot of speed--speed that I feel I can partly restore. But it's not just speed; it's also strength. My legs now ache on long runs. I'm in really good shape, but not in ultra shape (anymore). I need to get stronger. I do know from years of experience that winters are always a grind for me. Once April rolls around, I will be feeling MUCH better and the fire may re-light.

The quote above from Apollo Creed, albeit a fictional character from the Rocky movies, does really speak to me. I do see myself as a warrior, and I need some challenge out there to stay hungry. It is hard for me to envision a year of no "challenges." What challenges I take on...I just don't know (yet).

Turning the Page

Suffice it to say, my Leadville 100 run a few weeks ago didn't go as planned. After a really smooth first 40 miles, my race fell apart on Hope Pass. Coming into the outbound Hopeless aid station, I was told I had low blood pressure, likely from dehydration. After a few drive heaves and lots of shaking, I was on my way, over the mountain and down into Winfield.

In Winfield, I was told my core body temperature had dropped to 92 degrees. The medical personnel treated me for about 45 minutes, getting fluids in me. I got out of Winfield with my pacer, Harold, and barely got over the mountain and into Twin Lakes inbound (mile 64), where I called it a day as I was quite certain that in my condition the cutoffs would soon claim me (an unthinkable thought going into this race). I could no longer run and could barely walk. The best way to describe how I felt was...physically broken to the core.

In the wake of my failure to finish what I had hoped to be my sixth Leadville 100, I received many messages of support from friends--all of which I deeply appreciated. A few sent that famous Teddy Roosevelt "Man in the Arena" quote:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

So in this latest Leadville, I admit defeat. But that's not all. I will never return to Leadville to run the 100 again--all good things have to come to an end and that's OK because I need this chapter of my life to close. I earned five big buckles up there, fighting and winning some deeply personal and physical battles in that race going all the way back to my first "Race Across the Sky." I endured and in a few races came back from the dead to score some fast times of which I'm proud. But it's time to call it a day and move on. We all age differently and I have come to the place where I realize that I can no longer run Leadville the way I want to run it, in part because I'm getting older but also because I can no longer train the way I need to train to be ready for that altitude and those mountains.

I don't know what's next for me. I can see myself running another 100 but barely. If I did, I would pick a fast 100. I like to run fast--always have. I get frustrated running in the mountains because of the slow pace. At age 45, I can still run well below 19 minutes for 5K and I love that...I love hammering it. If you told me I could pick between a fast 100 where I could potentially go sub-18 hours and a mountainous 100 where I might be able to go sub-24, I would take the fast 100 any day of the week. As runners, we all have our own truths, and mine is that I was not built for the mountains--I was built for the road.

And that's OK.

There was a moment in the Tour de France this year that really stood out to me. It was the mountainous stage 11, where many of the sport's top sprinters, including Mark Cavendish and Marcel Kittel, timed out after missing the cutoff. Mind you, these are two riders who have a whole bunch of TDF stage wins between them. They're amazing athletes with extraordinary closing speed. And while they're able to grab wins in the faster stages, they're unable to compete at a high level in the mountains. As athletes, whether elite like them or amateur and age-groupers like me, we all have our truth.

What's next for me is a question I really am not thinking about. I'm quite burned out on running in general and ultramarathons in particular, though I am still getting out almost daily for some miles and I've also been spending time on the bike. I started in this crazy sport 14 years ago and it's been a fun, fun ride with some amazing moments. It may be that I come back to ultras but at this point the thought of running that far has no appeal at all. I still feel that I love to run but the life tradeoffs that are required to train for really long ultras are, quite honestly, a mental non-starter for me. I'm increasingly resistant to the tradeoffs and don't want to one day look back at these years and have regrets.

My hat is off to all those who finished Leadville, including Rob Krar, who became only the second runner to ever go sub-16 on that course. To finish Leadville is an incredible feat.

Quit Researching

This time of year I get lots of questions from folks interested in taking up running. It is exciting to see folks interested in running. Many have done "research" and are gathering information before they actually start running. Questions are often about shoes, frequency of workouts, how to balance the demands of life, etc.

Here is my straightforward advice based on 10 FAQs I get. As you will see, I am trying to keep this simple.

1. What shoes should I wear/get? Whatever you have and whatever feels comfortable.
2. How should I build up my fitness? By going for a run today. Then tomorrow. Then the day after tomorrow. And so on. Keep repeating.
3. How often should I run a week? As often as you want.
4. How do I balance the demands of life if I start running? I try to make my life simple and I also wake up before dawn to get in my runs. Anyone can do this.
5. How do I wake up before dawn every day and keep that sustainable? By getting out of bed when the alarm goes off and then going to bed by 9 so you can get in adequate sleep.
6. What do I do if it's super cold outside? Wear layers. As the saying goes, there's no such thing as bad weather; only bad preparation.
7. What if it's dark outside? Bring a light.
8. Should I stretch? If you feel tight.
9. What should I eat? Fuel that is close to the source.
10. What should I drink? Water.

That is all.