Thursday, June 25, 2015

Bighorn DNF

I DNF'd at Bighorn last weekend. This was my second-ever DNF (DNF="did not finish" or, to some folks, "did nothing fatal"). Here's the overall score of me versus 100s:

Me: 8 finishes of 100+ miles
100-mile distance: 2 (Leadville 2012 and Bighorn 2015)

I decided to withdraw from Bighorn because I could not stop vomiting and I couldn't keep anything solid or liquid down for more than a few minutes. In the wake of the DNF, I would be lying if I said I'm not hurting badly deep down (I am).

I vomited in two aid stations going up to the turnaround point--a 4,500-vertical-foot climb--and it got so bad in one that they kind of hid me from the others so as not to kill morale. Yes, that really is true, but I want to emphasize that the volunteers were compassionate and helpful. Let me also state now that I want no pity and this post isn't here to get people to comment and tell me all will be OK. No pity needed, please.

Over the past few days, I've done some reading on why we vomit in endurance races. I think my issue has a few different layers. First, I probably have a sensitive stomach. I have very valid reasons for believing that and there's no need to go into details as to why. Second, I think I have a tendency to let myself get under-hydrated in races, which can have a domino effect (including GI distress and mental and physical fatigue). I also think I went out too fast at Bighorn. It was very hot when the gun went off at 11am. I made lots of mistakes on Friday but it does no good going into all of them. I think I know much of what I did wrong, like under-hydrating and going out a bit too fast. But what perplexes me is that I used to not puke in 100s and now I'm puking in all of them, with onset of symptoms happening earlier and earlier in each race.

Recently, I heard a prominent ultrarunner who I greatly respect say that puking in an ultra is akin to hitting the reset button and that we should embrace it. That may be true for some people, but what happens when you can't stop puking? What happens when you completely bonk because you can't keep anything down? That's where I was on Friday. And, frankly, it's why Bighorn in 2016 (next year) may be my last ultra. I'm planning to go back to Bighorn next year and, come hell or high water, I will finish it--even if it means a 33:59:59 result and hundreds of vomit stops. I cannot let a race beat me without me hitting back. But I also can't keep putting myself and my family through this. I like running long distances and I expect to suffer along the way, but I don't like losing huge chunks of time to vomiting and genuinely worrying about my own health and safety. Last year at Leadville, I lost easily two hours to vomiting and related issues.

After withdrawing at the turnaround at Bighorn, I went back to our cabin and slept. The next morning, I felt resolved that this was probably my last 100. But then we went to the finish to cheer on my two pals, Mike Wilkinson and Mark Thompson, who ran the first half of the race together. Quick background: When I withdrew at the turnaround, I asked my pacer, Scott, to pace Mark into the finish, which he did (Mike already had a pacer lined up). So we got to the park in Dayton on Saturday afternoon and watched both Mike and Mark come into the finish within 15 minutes of each other and both under 28 hours--very solid times for Bighorn. I was so proud of these guys, and watching them cross gave me a little unexpected fire to come back to Bighorn next year and "get revenge." Plus, it just hurts knowing my son cried at the turnaround when he heard I was dropping. I have to come back and show him that you can't give up without a fight--even though I did DNF this year, I feel I must confront Bighorn next year and close the deal the right way. And then that may be it for me.

Where is all the fun in this? I love being in the wilderness and running. Bighorn is probably the prettiest course I've ever seen. There is a section ("the Wall") where you're surrounded by towering canyon walls--breath-taking. But it's hard to have fun when you're puking going up a 4,500-foot climb. I also think I'm now psychologically damaged from all these vomit episodes in 100s. I honestly think early in the race I was just waiting for the nausea and puking to start--and then it did. A self-fulfilling prophecy? Quite possibly, yes. I guess that means my confidence as a runner is gone. I used to take it for granted that I'd finish a 100. In the very early days, I wanted to win or podium. I no longer take it for granted that I'll finish.

We celebrate elites in this sport. And they are amazing. But let me say this: I have more respect for the folks who run their own races and those amazing souls who grind out the 30-hour 100s. Because finishing 100s is super hard. It's easy to forget that.

Having said all of that, what I'm about to write may seem contradictory. Here goes.... On the one hand, I'm not sure I'll do anymore races for the rest of the year. Right now, as I type this, I have no desire to race. That would mean no Pikes Peak Marathon and no Western States qualifier, which means my WS dream will likely come to an end because I'd then go back to zero tickets. And, honestly, that's OK because all it does is create pressure. And I need no pressure right now.

On the other hand, what I need is a good, drama-free finish in a 100. So, while I am considering taking the year off, I am also considering lining up at Javelina in late October and going for that WS qualifier and having a good experience on a course that, while far from easy, doesn't involve mountains. I'm not sure yet what I'll do. At this point, the thought of running an ultra is enough to make me start vomiting again. I need some down time. I need time to think, reflect, lift some weights (I love lifting), joy run, camp and bike with my family, get some home improvement projects done, and generally have no races to think about. I see this is a rebuilding phase, or perhaps the end of the line in terms of ultras. In 2012, I was burned out but came back quite inspired in 2013 and 2014. So it's possible this will pass and desire will return. Only time will tell.

Again, please, no pity. I'm not looking for it. We need to save our pity for people in this world who really need it. But please do chime in if you have any helpful advice.

Now, go have a good run.

20 comments:

  1. I did the Big Horn 52 mile version a few years ago and vomited the entire way from mile 44 to the finish. In fact, I laid down in the dirt gutter at mile 51 and told one of my friends to go call for help, I quit. And then after one final vomit I felt good enough to cancel that and walk it in for a finish. And then couldn't stop vomiting again and had to get 2 IV bags

    I don't know if you're the same way, but altitude and elevation changes nearly always get me. In researching it, if I go too fast and get dehydrated, that can suppress blood pressure, which can lead to nausea. When you stop at an aid station, your blood pressure can drop...so its a double dip - and I nearly always initially get sick coming into an aid station. And of course, the faster you start and in dry air, the quicker you could become dehydrated.

    I have also waffled a lot about no more 100s or 24 hour events. I seem to make it through 50 milers and 12 hour runs much more vomit-free. Whatever floats your boat though. If this crap were easy, there would be no point.

    I say do whatever you want. I don't see any reason to beat yourself up - just think about it - you were trying to run 100 miles through high elevation mountains. I mean, that is just stupid. And expecting rainbows and unicorns. :)

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    1. All great points, Brett. I was born in South Carolina and lived at sea level in many areas for my first almost 37 years. When we moved to CO, I had never experienced real mountains. I think the key for me in mountain races is to start slow, focus on hydration, and slow down and/or stop for a few minutes if I get nauseous.

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  2. No pressure: camp, fix up the homestead, joy run for 2 moths and experience PPM without a race mentality. Sounds like a great summer-then plan...

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  3. I don't have any pity or advice and you don't know me, but I know I read these things for two reasons, inspiration and education and if you don't blog about the many things you did wrong, then I miss out on the opportunity to learn from them, so selfishly I ask you to write about it so that I (and others) can take and learn from it...selfishly, please.

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    1. Fair enough, Sllygrl. Here are a few stupid mistakes I made:

      1) No breakfast the morning before the race. I left Casper, WY at about 8am on Thursday (race on Friday), thinking I'd get some breakfast just up the road (nothing around the hotel looked good so I had was some coffee). But I found the hard way that there were zero restaurants between Casper and Sheridan. So no breakfast. I eat breakfast every day!!! I never skip. In retrospect, this was likely a critical mistake.
      2) Didn't hydrate properly the morning of the race. I got hot at the pre-race briefing and the starting line was quite hot, as well. I needed water but didn't drink from my bottles because I figured I'd need them after the gun went off. The start is 11am. So with that first step I'd already lost some fluid.
      3) Didn't eat a small lunch right before the start at 11am. Many runners like to start a 100 with their stomachs close to full. I think there's merit to this. I had breakfast at about 7:30 on race morning but ate nothing between breakfast and the gun going off except for a few small sips of water (and no where near enough H2O at that). Probably should have eaten a small meal right before the start and, as noted above, needed to better-hydrate.
      4) Didn't drink enough during the race and didn't do enough to stay cool, like using the springs to my advantage.

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  4. Sorry to read about your stomach issues. I know my husband really has issues with puking and has not been able to move up from 50 milers because of it. It is scary and neither of us can figure out what is causing it. I have only run two 100s myself. The first one, I had no stomach issues. The second one, I was nauseous from mile 50 to about mile 95. I couldn't eat anything because I felt like it was going to come back up. The first 100 I ran was on the east coast and the 2nd was at a little higher altitude. I wonder if it is an altitude thing. I hope you are able to figure it out. Rest well and recover.

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    1. Tonia, thanks for sharing your story. I didn't puke at all or even experience significant nausea in my first four 100+ mile races. It wasn't until Leadville in 2010 that I first puked in a 100. In 2011, I mostly got through Leadville without any problems and ran my fastest time ever there. But in 2013 the wheels really started to come off (still ran a decent time in 2013, though) and since then it's been a puke-fest.

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  5. I was combing the results after the race for your name and bummed not to see it. I was there doing the 52-miler. I have had some stomach issues on and off for a few years (mostly in road marathons) and I put a bottle of Pepto Bismol in each of my drop bags at Bighorn and I also gnawed a little on the Pepto tables, which I had in my pack. I think that helped (have used Pepto with success at marathons before). So maybe look into something simple like that? I was thinking about you guys on Friday when it was SO warm. Saturday was a tiny bit better because of the cloud cover, for the most part. I did, however, take advantage of those what seems like hundreds of stream crossings and would splash that cold water on my legs and arms and it just felt SO GOOD!

    I hope you make it out to Bighorn again. You didn't get to see much of the best part of the course, beauty-wise, as I'm sure you were in the dark just before reaching the turn-around. The views are stunning and I concur there is no country more breathtaking. In the meantime, I hope you find some peace with your running....maybe just run for the pure joy of running for awhile and do PPM with a light heart and maybe without a watch :). Take some time and just go with what feels right in the heart; it will come. Thanks for sharing your Bighorn story!

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    1. Thanks for the support, Jill. This morning, I registered for Javelina. I feel ready for another go. I'll be back at Bighorn next year (unless I get into Western States). I agree that the views at Bighorn are stunning.

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  6. Man, you're experience sounds like what I was going through in the early 2000's. Every other race I was dropping from a pukefest...then due to an injury from a fall I discovered Maffetone and the HRM. My first race after a Winter and Spring of Maffetone training was Bighorn. I decided to walk the first 4 miles to not get sucked into a fast pace. I ran and hiked strong all day and night, passing people all the way to the finish in 29:35 in my 50's. My theory on puking mostly is it's due to the heat and a high HR. Keep the HR down low and your body will be able to maintain movement.

    I decided also to never run another 100 after the 2013 Hardrock. It went OK, but i'm getting old and slow and it was 44 hours of misery, well maybe 20. But i did enter again last year after skipping 2014 and ended up 77th on the wait list. I have one more year as a qualified runner from 2013 and if I don't get in for next year, I'm done with 100's. I'm not running another 100 to run Hardrock, which is the only one I have any interest in.

    Have you considered the Bear this year? A great race...

    Best of luck with your running...I'm still a Maffetone advocate. It works really well for ultras.

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    1. Steve: That's a smart strategy. Wish I'd been that smart on race day but, then again, I also know it was just an off day for me.

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  7. I bet the timing was bad, heat got you and you went a little faster than your body would allow that day. I dropped at 50k there in 2012. I was somehow cramping as I ran up the first hill at mile 5? I came home, took 5 days off, then suddenly the timing was right. My body gave me the best running block I ever had over the next 8 weeks and I unleashed hell at Cascade Crest in August. When I think back to Bighorn, it seems so hard in my memories. It's not. It was just a bad day. I have plenty of DNFs and would rather race hard and roll the dice versus playing it safe and pursuing a finish. I read this blog often and know you long to smash up some races like Bighorn and Leadville. You can have a sure thing just sitting on the couch. You want adventure. Pick another biggun' and get after it.

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    1. Great advice, and I think I agree with you, Stay Vertical. I think it was just a bad race for me and I also think I made some mistakes. I've never had a 100 that went south that fast. This morning, I registered for Javelina and am already getting excited about it. Thanks for the wise words. Run well!

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  8. Ultra running is about maintaining homeostasis within the body. You must stay cool, hydrated, and properly nutritioned (not too much, not too little) to keep your body functioning properly. That doesn't even include other things like caffeine, salt, amino acids, etc... I suggest focusing more on how to keep your body happy -- a slightly different journey for everyone with some common rules -- as opposed to just logging more and more training. You have plenty of ultra experience and years of training in the bank. Figure out how to keep your body from revolting and the rest will flow. My two cents. And, anyone that tells you puking is some how a badge of honor is just plain ignorant.

    And, for crying out loud, sign up for JJ! You need to keep the WS dream alive. It is an amazing course and a first class event. Everyone should do it once.

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    1. AJ: I agree about homeostasis but easier said than done. Most studies of ultrarunners show that the stomach is the #1 vulnerability. As for the runner I mentioned, they didn't say puking is a badge of honor; they just said it's the body's way of getting rid of whatever it is that's upsetting your stomach. I've heard a few reputable nutritionists say that, too. So, in that respect, it should be seen as a way to re-set the system. As you now know, I've registered for Javelina. Thanks for your support and congrats again on your strong Western States result.

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    2. Also, not sure I agree that big mileage doesn't pay off in 100s. When my mileage has been very high (for me), as in 100-110 a week, I have noticed that I run a lot stronger in the latter stages. I vividly remember having miles in the low 7s as late as 80-100 miles into ultras I've done where I put in big volume. When you've run big volume, assuming you're able to absorb the benefits, the payoff in the latter miles can be huge. I would still run 100+ a week if I had the time. I may give it a go for Javelina (most of it at MAF) but it's so hard from a time standpoint. I believe that some athletes, such as Chuck, don't need high mileage but I think I do.

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    3. The issue with puking is that you shouldn't get there in the first place. If you find yourself there and it helps relieve your symptons, great. But, if you've gotten there, something is wrong and you are now in danger of either a DNF or a huge loss of time. I am not saying every person that pukes DNFs, but I am saying that everyone who does hates the experience and that (at a minimum) it slows them down. Also, then you have to play detective and make sure solve whatever is wrong that caused you to puke. It is just best to never get there, if possible....

      As for big miles, to each his own. There is more than one way to successfully attack 100s. I don't think it is required, but if it gives you confidence, then that is a great thing to have on your side. My only thought is not to fall into the trap that some might, believing more miles equals fewer problems on race day. Good luck with training for JJ.

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  9. Wyatt,
    I just now had the opportunity to read this. First let me say that I was incredibly bummed to see you in that state at Elk Camp AS. I thought for sure when I heard "is that Mike?" and saw you, that you were already there on the way back in.

    You've forgotten more about ultra running then I'll ever know, but I think on that day the number one culprit was going out too fast. It was F'N hot and the only thing you can do is slow down. You can't out-hydrate the heat, not when it was that hot. That's my take anyway. I think you got dehydrated early and paid for it with stomach issues.

    I'm glad to see you're going to run Javelina because no matter how you feel about it now, later on down the road you would be pissed at yourself if you let your WS qualification go by the wayside.

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  10. Thanks for sharing this, Wyatt. We've had an unbelievably dry and hot summer in the PNW so far and it is killing my stomach too. I've never had stomach issues as bad as I have this year in the heat. I feel your pain on figuring out the exact cause; good luck with it.
    -Luke

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